so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
