Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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