I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
