What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
