I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
