I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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