just survived the first fart of the relationship.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
