I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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