Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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