I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
