um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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