You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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