New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
