dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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