This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize