I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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