Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
