Where is the hickey?
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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