Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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