We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize