he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
