don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
