Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
