I could make wine with my vomit
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
