This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
