If that was your dad, he is hot
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Dicks are not precious.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
