Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize