I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
