Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
