found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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