real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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