Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize