It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
