I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
