So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
