forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
