I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please don't give away my fajitas
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