So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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