You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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