This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize