and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
