Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
