4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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