how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
