Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
