i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
