I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize