I will die if light touches me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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