Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
