I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
