Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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