I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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