Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
