so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
