so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize