I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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