There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
