i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
