Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
