can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
