he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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