Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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