why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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