fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
