Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
