Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
