R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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