Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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