OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
