ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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