I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm too high and old for this...
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