It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
