just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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