oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
