We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
