opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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