That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
