hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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