Have you finally orgasmed yet?
North Korea, Best Korea!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
