their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
