dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
