About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize