We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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