how can u be prego again
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
