sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize