I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
