worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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