Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
