Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
