You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
