she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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