Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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