Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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