yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
