Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
