i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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