I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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