Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
