Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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