i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
