Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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