bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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