did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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