you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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