I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
