Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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