Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
