I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
