i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
