This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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