he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize