hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
