Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
